The son plays computer games. Children and computer games. Signs of computer addiction in adolescents

Any game, regardless of genre and age orientation, invariably brings satisfaction, generally improving the quality of life for a person. However, with the advent of computer games, the question of the addiction that they can cause has become acute. And if an adult is able to set priorities for himself, then children sometimes cannot cope with this. For some parents, the child's hobby becomes a problem, while others, on the contrary, actively use games and gadgets to keep the child busy.

- Son, go to dinner!
- Not now, Mom, I have a raid!

How often do modern parents have to hear such an answer from their child while the delicious and healthy soup is cooling down and the homework is not done? Children now spend more time at computers and gadgets than on the street and reading books. Strict ladies from the TV screen are increasingly broadcasting that games lead a child "on a crooked path" and teach him about violence and hatred. Is it so? What if your heir plays too much? And is it necessary to limit the young generation in their desire to immerse themselves in virtual worlds?

How many people - so many opinions. To understand and find a middle ground will help the stories of real parents who are faced with the fact that games have firmly entered our lives. GameXP spoke with three mothers of gamers with different perspectives on all of these issues.

Mom doesn't mind games, but she doesn't encourage

Mom is 34 years old, daughter is 3 years old. Family - mom, dad, daughter.

I AM
I play, but not very much. I am a casual gamer, mobile. Accordingly, I like games that are simple enough, but I play to kill time and distract myself. My first game was about Harry Potter, back on PC, not online, of course. Somehow I got very sick during the holidays and had to spend them at home. Then I realized that there is something in games and I can get carried away with them in general.

Age:
I consider playing as a hobby like crocheting or snowboarding, for example. I can’t single them out somehow. Despite the fact that this is such a hobby that can be turned into a professional activity.

Prohibitions:
The meaning of prohibiting is always there. Children, at least three years old (I can only judge about him), do not control themselves and can spend the whole day playing games or cartoons. And, since games are still a leisure and a hobby, time should be limited. As it was in our childhood - first do your homework, and then you can go for a walk. So it is with games.

Time:
How to manage your child's time? Honestly I do not know. My daughter is 3 years old, and so far I can completely control her time.

Promotion:
Yes, it is possible as an option. But if only it is interesting for your child, as not everyone will like the games. In fact, this is possible after the main study / work is done. Games are relaxation, and we have it in meager doses.

Violence:
Like any adequate person, I understand that violence is bad, but I also understand that many games cannot do without it. Quite a controversial question. Of course, now I do not allow my husband to play games with the child, where there are attributes of violence, and I myself do not show them to my daughter, since she is still very small, but she adopts everything very quickly. That is, differentiating content by age is still a decision. My task as a parent is to explain to the child that there are real and virtual worlds and that all this is only online, fantasy and fiction.

Development:
If we talk like a mother, then educational games on the tablet will not bring anything bad to the child, because this is only a way of learning. And speaking already as a modern person who sometimes plays himself, I can say that sometimes games are so complex mechanically that sometimes you need to actively involve thinking and logic, and this cannot but have a positive effect. But my subjective attitude to games is entertainment. And I personally prefer to play something that will entertain me and where my brain will rest.

Mom vs games

Mom is 49 years old, son - 16. Family - mom, son, grandmother.

I AM
mother of a 16-year-old son. My son plays games and I don't understand it. I myself played games, perhaps on the playground once in my childhood. And basically these games were either active in the fresh air with other children, or we played with the neighboring girls in real life. I think that modern children lack such games, because all their attention is focused on tablets, computers and phones, and today teenagers already forget that you can find friends in the yard, and not only on the Internet.

Age:
I believe that it is possible to allow children to play computer games only at an older age, when their thinking has already been formed and the child himself is able to mentally correctly evaluate this or that game. But here the parent's task is important - to help the child manage his time correctly, not forgetting about the most important components in life.

Today, I increasingly see how young mothers simply give a phone or tablet to their child, without thinking that they themselves are developing their child's addiction to games and the Internet. I am very sad to look at this, as I realize that modern mothers do not have time for their child at all, which will lead to the fact that later the teenager will not have time for something else.

Prohibitions:
When it comes to raising our children, we are often faced with the fact that we have to prohibit something. Parents always wish their child only good, but this does not always coincide with the wishes of the children themselves here and now. And computer games are not an exception here, but on the contrary, I increasingly hear from my friends and acquaintances that they have frequent scandals at home because a child wants to play. The meaning of prohibiting games is exactly the same as the meaning of prohibiting going to nightclubs at the age of 15 or even worse.

Time:
It seems to me that the time a child spends at the computer proportionally depends not only on his enthusiasm, but also on discipline, which, in turn, develops from the authority of the parents and the child's propensity to obey. Children are different - it also happens that a child does not at all perceive the opinion of his parents and does everything in his own way. And it happens that parents from early childhood, by their behavior and example, show the child that in life, in addition to the Internet and games, there are many more good things and entertainment. Then the child simply becomes uninterested in this online world. But if, nevertheless, the child is already playing, then it is worth demanding discipline from him and fulfilling his duties first, like lessons, for example, and only then he will be able to use his free time on the Internet.

Incentives:
How can it be considered rewarding that leads a child to immerse himself in a world of violence, murder and abuse? I am amazed at parents who, for their successes in life, give their child the opportunity to spend time in a turbulent and uncontrolled world. Psychologically, the child will be more dependent on it. To be honest, I am not very good at manipulating or blackmailing children, but I believe more in respect for elders.

Violence:
We've all heard of various situations where teenagers lost their minds from games and when they transferred types of interactions and opportunities from games to real life, which sometimes ended in murder and even suicide. These are the sad realities of our time, and I believe that one of the serious tasks of parents today is to protect the child from aggression on the Internet as much as possible, because it is quite enough in life. Children themselves are not always able to understand what is good and what is bad. Personally, I really would not like games to be as accessible as they are now, and I would like more parents to think about what their children are doing while sitting at a computer or tablet.

Development:
If we are talking about computer games, then many parents believe that there are only educational games or completely harmless ones. In my opinion, having access to a computer, a child will naturally be more drawn not to these products, but to more popular games played by his friends - and these are games full of swearing, blood, where teenagers behave like animals from lack of control ...

And if we talk about physical development, then here are obvious many problems associated with vision, posture from sitting at the computer for a long time, not to mention the fact that children who do not play sports at all, but spend all their free time on games, become weak and physically undeveloped. I do not urge to ban everything and burn everything, but I just would like to draw the attention of other parents to this issue.

Mom for games

Mom is 32 years old, son is 12. Family - mom, dad, son.

I AM
I have been playing games for a long time and with pleasure. I play everything - at home "singles" on the PC, MMOs - it all depends on my mood. I play mobile games on the way. My first MMO was Sphere - a long, long time ago. Then there were Allods ... Since then, games have taken up most of my life.

Age:
Now there are a lot of educational games that are suitable for children of all ages. For example, you can learn colors and shapes with toddlers, or English with older children.

Prohibitions:
Forbid to play? Of course not! But it must be explained what the excessive passion for games is fraught with. You can't forbid a child to be modern. It is strange enough when the child's environment is playing games (for example, school friends), and at home he is forbidden to play games.

Time:
Previously, we set a timer for the child for exactly one hour, at which he could play, and then do any other activity for an hour. Now this has become a habit, and we do not need a timer. The child understands that the time for games is over and that more useful things need to be done. For example, do homework.

Promotion:
I am against this practice. I am against the ban on games, games should be everyday, not encouragement.

Violence:
It is necessary to understand and explain to the child that everything that happens in the games does not happen for real. It is impossible to protect a child from cruel games, because even chess is a cruel game in a sense - sooner or later someone will lose. Undoubtedly, I try not to show my son games with screamers, some kind of horror films and slashers. But, for example, an MMO where there is competition, that's okay.

Development:
Educational games are good. And any others. Mindfulness, fine motor skills develop, children begin to play English titles and it is easier for them to learn the language in a playful way. For example, my son, inspired by a small indie project, started learning 3D and is trying to sculpt simple figures in zbrush.

As you can see, the opinions of different parents about whether children should be protected from play can be exactly the opposite. However, let's summarize.

Computer games are becoming more and more popular today, and it is impossible to deny the fact that the number of players of different genders and ages is steadily growing.

Sometimes it is difficult to accept something new, incomprehensible and at the same time contradictory, especially when it comes to children. Likewise, the previous generation grumbled about children spending a lot of time watching TV. The world is evolving, technology is taking over our daily life more and more, and games are no exception. When faced with such questions within your family and with your children, you should not forget that today an important task for a parent is to help their child navigate not only in life, but also in the Internet space and hobbies.

Hello! My son constantly plays aggressive computer games. Due to the fact that my husband and I are very busy, I cannot constantly monitor the child. But she began to notice that he became very nervous and aggressive towards blast furnaces and cruel towards pets. I think that the computer games are to blame, since they are all related to war or murder. When I tried to somehow talk to him and said that it was necessary to reduce the time of his playing at the computer, he got terribly nervous and did not talk to me for several days. Drastic measures, deleting games, for example, also do not help. How can you distract your child?

To begin with, you need to distract yourself from your very important work, which replaces your communication with your son. There is no such work in the world that would be more important than human life, and even more so when it comes to the well-being of your own child. The fact is that gambling addiction (addiction to computer games) is recognized as dangerous as drug or alcohol addiction. If a child has no other stronger stimuli than bloody shooters, then the child's psyche quite easily gets used to such "food", which, moreover, is served regularly and in large quantities. It is necessary to start "treating" your son from violent and aggressive games not with decreasing the time playing at the computer, but with starting to seriously study his inner world and his life. In this you will need the help of a professional psychologist. It is possible that you will discover a person whom you did not notice next, or you underestimated. Of course, patience and faith in your son will be required of you. Or you may even have to revise your pedagogical approaches to the child, which led to the distance in the attitude. Which shaped the boy's “departure” into the virtual world, where he can win, take revenge, punish, humiliate and always survive. It will take a lot of inner work on yourself and the support of the whole family, it is important that all family members are in solidarity with you, keep one line of behavior. Everything will work out if you are ready to offer your child a useful, but important for him alternative to computer games. It can be sports, creativity, science, construction and others, but here it is important to be close to your son, to support him, to be sincerely happy with his results. Participate in his life with interest and love!

"My child has a computer addiction", "He just has tantrums as soon as we ask you to finish the game", "He is not interested in anything except games, is this normal?" - more and more often we hear psychologists from parents. What do children find in computer games? Can you bring them back to the real world? Advised by the author of a popular book.

The conditions for the development of modern children have changed so radically that even talented teachers and very loving parents find it difficult to adapt. All the systems of education of the world did not take into account the possibility of children leaving for imaginary worlds. Having received a classical education, we are sure that this is what the child should be given. Books first, and then a computer. The computer today is replacing not only books, but also living people.

There are three main hot spots in the upbringing of "computer" children.

1. Initially, they have incorrectly formed settings in relation to the computer.... The purchase of a new "car" is so significant for the child and burdensome for the family that this in itself increases its weight. Despite the fact that a computer and everything connected with it is just a device created by human hands.
2. Having bought a computer, we most often leave the child alone with him, using the opportunity to relax... I am a supporter of the mediation of any child's activity by adults, at least at the first stage. This means that in any new situation, the parent must explain to the child how to best behave (become a competent mediator). "Do we really have to not only earn and buy this expensive toy, but also play with the child?" - ask the parents. Exactly.
3. Nobody observes the norms of working at the computer, but sometimes something like "Saturday vice" is arranged... The computer turns off, and the child is reminded who is the boss.

Situation 1. Computer and discipline

Six-year-old Olya can "work" on a computer just like her father is a programmer. She writes letters on it, draws, plays. But Olya's parents are in favor of a reasonable limitation of "computer" time. The grandmother who came to visit discovered that the girl did not draw with pencils and paints, did not sculpt, did not read books. And she has obvious speech therapy problems - Olya does not pronounce "P" and "Sh".

The child categorically refused to draw on paper, explaining that she does it on a computer. Dad intervened in the conflict: "Olya is a modern child, she needs a computer!" And then the grandmother decided to put things in order, limiting the time Olya spent in front of the display for half an hour. Exactly 30 minutes later, she loudly demanded to immediately turn off the computer, or else: "I will punish you! And I will punish your dad not to protect!" For a psychologist in kindergarten, this situation has long become typical ...

Psychologist's comment... Aggressive interruption of play leaves a much more serious mark on the child's psyche than we might think. From the point of view of the child, the parent does not love him and does not understand, if he is not ready to share his joy with him. Unfortunately, we are used to measuring the depth of relationships with people by how sensitive they are to us in difficult circumstances - are they ready to share the trouble with us? And we, of course, know about ourselves that we will never leave our child in trouble.

But children have a different logic. They accept caring as the norm, and they judge love by how much the parent is included in the joyful side of life. The ideal parent for a preschooler is a very cheerful and kind person, Clown or Wizard. With this you can talk about everything and agree. He is ready to listen to him. He believes him.

Olya's strict grandmother immediately showed herself to be an "evil" character. And who likes to listen to the angry person? Olya protested against injustice, in a sense, fought against evil intentions. Because "to punish for nothing" in the mind of a child is, of course, an atrocity.

Discipline and play are quite compatible. But the aggression of adults only hardens the child and creates the effect of the "forbidden fruit". Therefore, firstly, it is necessary to form the correct attitudes even before the start of the game: "All children of your age play for half an hour", "Little ones play only with their parents." Secondly, playing on a computer should have alternative activities: "Besides the computer, we can play Lego!"

Situation 2. Computers and the need for love

When the parents divorced, Petya was 6 years old. The divorce was initiated by my mother - a strong and not without ambition woman. As if apologizing for the suffering caused, my mother bought him a computer, deciding to herself: "I will raise a talented child, and no one will say that I am a bad mother!"

Petya accepted the gift with joy, especially since his mother herself encouraged playing on the computer, thereby, as if confirming that she loved her son. It was also easier for Petya to play and not think about anything than to be in anxious expectation of the worst changes. On weekends, he did not see his father, his parents did not communicate with each other at all, and on weekdays, my mother was busy. And the computer has become something of a surrogate parent.

The woman caught herself when the child went to school. By this time, he had lost interest in people and in school, which affected his academic performance, his peers seemed boring to him ... But Petya no longer expected anything good. He got used to the lack of love and learned to save himself by going to virtual.

Psychologist's comment. Who is the child more attached to - to the mother or the computer? This question sometimes torments parents. We are jealous of a child for a soulless car, but we are not ready to spend time with him. Previously, the parent was a source of happiness against the backdrop of a rather monotonous reality. Parents can now act as the backdrop for vibrant, endlessly varied virtual reality.

Empirical observations show that if a child lacks warm relations in the family, love, tenderness, affection, the risk of the formation of all kinds of addictions, including computer addictions, increases significantly. The pleasure that can be obtained easily and simply is just a surrogate for human love, which the child does not know how to get. Children get stuck at the stage of simpler operations if they do not know or cannot afford more complex ones. And the computer, despite the complex internal structure, is simple because it is easy to operate. To compete with it, the parent must have a "friendly interface".

Why do they prefer computers?

1. One-on-one with a computer, a child gains freedom, which he may lack in real life. Parental control is removed; the usual norms of behavior, requiring tension, coordination, taking into account the interests of others, change to the rules of the game, which are controlled by the child himself. From a dependent performer, he turns into an active player. This illusion of reality control is the strongest motive behind video games.... Especially for boys who seek to expand their capabilities, space and improve their psychological status. They get a chance to become winners in the virtual world.
2. Games stimulate the imagination to a certain extent, involving children in new mobile, vibrant worlds. Unstudied, but clearly valid is hypnotic effect screen technologies. Moving pictures, like any moving objects, can fascinate and attract attention. High concentration on the game is akin to hypnotic immersion in sleep. Time in this state flies by unnoticed, and the space narrows to the frame of the screen.
3. Computer manipulation is easy... The ease with which complex operations are performed is extremely attractive for a child who is still struggling with everything. She also fascinates some parents whose childhood passed without a computer. It seems to them that their children are little geniuses and endowed with special abilities. And children are encouraged by a sense of superiority over adults.
4. Most of the games are built on the principle of the TV series: one session ends - another begins, even more interesting. Game developers go out of their way to make the game endless so that it can be played over and over again.
5. The characters in the games are exceptionally attractive... It is pleasant to identify with the main character, who moves towards the goal, overcoming difficulties, it is interesting to follow him, victory is almost always waiting with him.
6. A computer game, like any gambling, is accompanied by the production of hormones... Games are not so much simulations of worlds as of certain vivid experiences, strong emotions. Game addiction is hormonal addiction. If in real life the child does not receive emotions of comparable strength, he will prefer playing on the computer.
7. Computer games train operational attention and memory... Children love to learn something new and then demonstrate their abilities. They are pleased to feel how quickly skills emerge.

How to combine real and virtual life of a child?

1. First, decide: what does a computer mean in your family, in the life of any person? The coveted prize? Well-being indicator? Window to the world? Tech assistant? A device that makes life easier? The exaggeration of the importance of the computer by adults increases its importance in the life of the child. Exaggerated fears of the computer play a similar role. By sacralizing the computer, we create a halo of super-significance around it. Calm, almost indifferent attitude to technology allows you to use it with great intelligence, accuracy and benefit. And most importantly, it will not lead to such a deformation of the value system, in which a soulless piece of iron with wires is deified.
2. Low self-esteem in a child- this is the basis for the formation of any unwanted addiction. If there are too few pleasant stimuli that bring joy, calm, cheer up, surprise, amuse, inspire, in life there are too few, any pleasure, including playing on the computer, can cause addiction. This means that, not only exaggerating the importance of the computer, but also underestimating ourselves, our child, we push him to be content with the role of a simple executor of other people's programs, including computer ones. He doesn't need more. And low self-esteem is the result of weak parental love.
3. The computer will take a special place in a child's life, if he has no friends and other significant connections with the world... This is a real problem in the era of individualism and life in large, densely populated cities. If you have at least some opportunity to create conditions for joint games, being in a peer group, do not miss it.
4. The standards for the child's stay in front of the screen are approximately as follows. Up to 3 years old, no computers and consoles! At least up to 3 years ... Because reality is difficult to compete with the virtual world, in which everything uninteresting is filtered out and all the most "cool" is collected. After 3 years, the playing time should be dosed and make a maximum of half an hour, preferably in a break, 15 minutes each. You can create a rule: "Computer only on weekends!", "Or computer, or TV!", "We only play together!" Such rules are the basis of the culture of using information resources.
5. The rule "We only play together!" especially important, since it guarantees the involvement of an adult in the game process. But most importantly, we teach the child how to play, we model the attitude to the computer. It is easier for children to cope with the irresistible urge to play more and more if they see adults stop. Put a clock next to it, explain that time limitation is a condition of the game.
6. How to answer the child's question, why limit the time? At 4 years old, you can tell a fairy tale about a monkey who loved oranges very much, but overeat, and her tummy ached. Remind that little men have not only a head and hands, which are so necessary for a computer, but also legs, a back, and a tummy. They also want to play, run, jump. Otherwise, not a man will grow up, but a tadpole with a weak body. Babies are impressed by this! Queue outdoor games and computer games. Children love both and calmly switch from one interesting activity to another.