12 chairs chess tournament. Interplanetary chess congress in vasyuki. "New Vasyuki" live and win
New Vasyuki
Spread. Iron. About some l. an insignificant town or village that claims to be the grand center of smth. / i> Vasyuki- the name of an abandoned village on the banks of the Volga, in which the heroes of the novel “Twelve Chairs” by I. Ilf and E. Petrov (1928), transformed by Ostap Bender into New-Vasyuki, ended up. Mokienko, Nikitina 1998, 75.
A large dictionary of Russian sayings. - M: Olma Media Group. V. M. Mokienko, T. G. Nikitina. 2007 .
See what "New Vasyuki" is in other dictionaries:
New Vasyuki. Spread. Iron. What L. an insignificant city or village, claiming to be a grand center of what l. / i> Vasyuki is the name of an abandoned village on the banks of the Volga, in which the heroes of the novel I. Ilf and E. Petrov found themselves ... ... A large dictionary of Russian sayings
Vasyuki-, ov, pl. ** New Vasyuki. New Vasyuki... iron. What L. an insignificant city or village, claiming to be a grand center of what l. // The name of an abandoned village on the banks of the Volga, in which the heroes of the novel by I. Ilf and ... Explanatory dictionary language of the Council of Deputies
Request "The other day" is redirected here; see also other meanings. The other day 1961 1991: Our era, The other day 1992 1999: Our era, The other day ... Wikipedia
The other day Leonid Parfyonov in the TV show "The other day" Genre Information program of non-political news (1990 1994), Historical series (1994 2001), informational analytical program (2001 2004) Author Leonid Parfyonov Director Janik Fayziev ... Wikipedia
Ostap Suleiman Berta Maria Bender Bey (Transdanubia) ... Wikipedia
- “The other day. Our era ”book is an album by Leonid Parfyonov, based on the documentary cycle“ The other day. Our era". The book consists of five volumes, the first four describe historical phenomena over decades, the fifth over a five-year period. ... ... Wikipedia
Monument to Ostap in "modern Vasyuki" Elista. 1999 Ostap Bender the main character novels by Ilya Ilf and Evgeny Petrov "Twelve Chairs" and "The Golden Calf", "the great schemer" who knew "four hundred relatively honest ways of weaning ... ... Wikipedia
- (from the Greek onoma "name") a section of linguistics that studies proper names: the names of people, animals, mythical creatures, tribes and peoples, countries, rivers, mountains, human settlements. Part O., devoted to the study of geographical names, usually ... ... Literary encyclopedia
Books
- How we arrived at Novye Vasyuki. How Our Presidents Led Russia to Backward Capitalism, Nikolai Kozhevnikov. The collapse of the socialist great power - the USSR - into 15 independent republics and the formation of Russia as a new capitalist state as a result of the activities of M.S. are described ...
I watched Chechetov's performance and remembered the unforgettable grandmaster O. Bender and his game in Vasyuki.
Chapter XXXIV. Interplanetary Chess Congress
In the morning a tall, thin old man in a gold pince-nez and short, very dirty boots stained with paints walked around the Vasyuks. He stuck handwritten posters on the walls:
June 22, 1927
In the premises of the club "Kartonazhnik"
will take place
lecture on the topic:
"FRUITFUL DEBUT IDEA"
and
SIMULTANEOUS CHESS SESSION
on 160 boards
grandmaster (senior master) O. Bender
Everyone comes with their boards.
The payment for the game is 50 kopecks.
Entrance fee - 20 kopecks.
It starts at exactly 6 o'clock. evenings
Administration K. Michelson.
The grandmaster himself wasted no time either. Having rented the club for three rubles, he transferred to the chess section, which for some reason was located in the corridor of the horse breeding department.
A one-eyed man was sitting in the chess section and was reading a novel by Spielhagen in the Panteleev edition.
Grandmaster O. Bender! - said Ostap, sitting down on the table. - I am arranging a simultaneous game session with you.
The only eye of the Vasyukin chess player opened up to the limits allowed by nature.
This minute, comrade grandmaster! - shouted the one-eyed. - Sit down, please. I am now.
And the one-eyed man ran away. Ostap examined the premises of the chess section. On the walls were photographs of racing horses, and on the table lay a dusty office book with the title: "Achievements of the Vasyukinskaya Chess Section in 1925".
One-eyed returned with a dozen citizens of all ages. All of them in turn approached to get to know each other, called their names and respectfully shook the grandmaster's hand.
On the way to Kazan, - said Ostap abruptly, - yes, yes, a session tonight, come. And now, I'm sorry, I'm not in shape: I'm tired after the Carlsbad tournament.
The Vasyukin chess players listened to Ostap with filial love. Ostap suffered. He felt a surge of new strength and chess ideas.
You will not believe, - he said, - how far the chess thought has moved. You know, Lasker got to the point of vulgar things, it became impossible to play with him. He smokes his opponents with cigars. And he smokes cheap ones on purpose, so that the smoke is nasty. Chess world in anxiety. The grandmaster moved on to local themes.
Why is there no game of thought in the province? For example, here is your chess section. That’s what it’s called: Chess Section. Boring girls! Why don't you, in fact, call it something beautiful, truly chess-like. This would draw the allied mass into the section. For example, they would call your section: "Chess Club of Four Knights", or "Red Endgame", or "Loss of Quality in the Case of Winning the Tempo." It would be nice! Resounding! The idea was a success.
Indeed, said the Vasyukites, why not rename our section to the Four Horses Club?
Since the bureau of the chess section was right there, Ostap organized a one-minute meeting under his honorary chairmanship, at which the section was unanimously renamed the “Shakhklub of four horses”. The grandmaster with his own hand, using the lessons of "Scriabin", artistically executed on a sheet of cardboard a sign with four horses and a corresponding inscription,
This important event promised the flourishing of chess thought in Vasyuki.
Chess! - said Ostap. - Do you know what chess is? They move forward not only culture, but also the economy! Do you know that your “Shakhklub of Four Horses”, if properly organized, will be able to completely transform the city of Vasyuki?
Ostap has not eaten anything since yesterday. Therefore, his eloquence was extraordinary.
Yes! he shouted. - Chess enriches the country! If you agree to my project, you will be walking down marble stairs from the city to the pier! Vasyuki will become the center of ten provinces! What have you heard about the city of Semmering before? Nothing! And now this town is rich and famous only because an international tournament was organized there. Therefore, I say: an international chess tournament should be organized in Vasyuki.
How? - everyone shouted.
Quite a real thing, - replied the grandmaster, - my personal connections and - your amateur performance - that's all that is necessary and sufficient for organizing the international Vasyukin tournament. Think about how beautiful the "International Vasyukinsky Tournament of 1927" will sound. The arrival of Jose-Raul Capablanca, Emmanuel Lasker, Alekhine, Nimzovich, Reti, Rubinstein, Marozzi, Tarrasch, Vidmar and Dr. Grigoriev is assured. In addition, my participation is guaranteed!
But money! - the Vasyukins moaned. - They all need to pay money! Many thousands of money! Where can I get them?
Everything has been taken into account by a mighty hurricane, - said O. Bender, - money will provide fees.
Who will pay such crazy money here? Vasyukians ...
What Vasyukins are there! The Vasyukites will not pay money. They will receive them! It's all extremely simple. After all, chess amateurs from all over the world will come to the tournament with the participation of such greatest veltemasters. Hundreds of thousands of people, wealthy people, will strive for Vasyuki. Firstly, river transport will not be able to lift such a number of passengers. Consequently, NKPS will build the Moscow-Vasyuki railway. This is the time. Two are hotels and skyscrapers for accommodating guests. Three - raising agriculture in a radius of a thousand kilometers: guests need to be supplied - vegetables, fruits, caviar, chocolates. The palace in which the tournament will take place is four. Five - construction of garages for guest vehicles. To transmit the sensational results of the tournament to the whole world, it will be necessary to build a super-powerful radio station. This is sixth. Now, regarding the Moscow-Vasyuki railway. Undoubtedly, such one will not have such a capacity to transport everyone to Vasyuki. From here follows the airport "Bolshiye Vasyuki" - regular departure of mail planes and airships to all parts of the world, including Los Angeles and Melbourne.
Dazzling prospects unfolded in front of the Vasyukin amateurs. The limits of the room expanded. The rotten walls of the horse breeding nest collapsed, and instead of them the glass thirty-three-story palace of chess thought went into the blue sky. In each of his halls, in each room, and even in the elevators sweeping by with a bullet, thoughtful people were sitting and playing chess on boards inlaid with malachite ...
Marble stairs fell into the blue Volga. There were ocean steamers on the river. Funicular foreigners, chess ladies, Australian fans climbed the funiculars into the city. Indian protection, Indians in white turbans, adherents of the Spanish party, Germans, French, New Zealanders, inhabitants of the Amazon River basin and envy of the Vasyukites - Muscovites, Leningraders, Kievans, Siberians and Odessa residents.
Cars moved by conveyor among the marble hotels. But then - everything stopped. World champion Jose-Raul Capablanca y Graupera emerged from the fashionable "Passed Pawn" hotel. Ladies surrounded him. The policeman, dressed in a special chess uniform (breeches in a cage and elephants on collar tabs), politely saluted. The one-eyed chairman of Vasyukin's Club of Four Horses approached the champion with dignity.
Conversation of two luminaries, conducted on English language, was interrupted by the arrival of Dr. Grigoriev and future world champion Alekhine.
Cheers shook the city. Jose Raul Capablanca y Graupera winced. With a wave of the one-eyed man's hand, a marble staircase was brought up to the airplane. Doctor Grigoriev ran down it, waving his new hat in greeting and commenting on Capablanca's possible mistake in his upcoming match with Alekhine.
Suddenly a black dot was seen on the horizon. She quickly approached and grew, turning into a large emerald parachute. Like a large radish, a man with a suitcase hung on a parachute ring.
It's him! - shouted the one-eyed. - Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! I recognize the great chess philosopher, Dr. Lasker. He is the only one in the world who wears such green socks.
Jose Raul Capablanca y Graupera winced again.
Lasker was nimbly set up a marble staircase, and the vigorous ex-champion, blowing off the speck of dust that had settled on him during the flight over Silesia from his left sleeve, fell into the arms of the one-eyed. One-eyed took Lasker by the waist, led him to the champion and said:
Make peace! I ask you on behalf of the broad masses of Vasyukin! Make peace!
Jose-Raul sighed loudly and, shaking the hand of the old veteran, said:
I have always admired your idea of transferring the bishop in the Spanish game from b5 to c4.
Hooray! - exclaimed the one-eyed. - Simple and convincing, in the style of a champion! And the whole unimaginable crowd picked up:
Hooray! Vivat! Banzai! Simple and convincing, in the style of a champion !!!
Express trains drove up to the twelve Vasyukinsky railway stations, dropping more and more crowds of chess fans.
The sky was already blazing from glowing advertisements when a white horse was led through the streets of the city. This was the only horse that survived after the mechanization of the Vasyukin transport. By a special decree, she was renamed a horse, although she was considered a mare all her life. Chess aficionados greeted her with waving palm branches and chess boards.
Don't worry, ”said Ostap,“ my project will guarantee your city an unprecedented flourishing of productive forces. Think about what will happen when the tournament is over and when all the guests leave. Residents of Moscow, constrained by the housing crisis, will rush to your magnificent city. The capital automatically goes to Vasyuki. The government comes here. Vasyuki are renamed New Moscow, Moscow - Old Vasyuki. The residents of Leningrad and Kharkov are gritting their teeth, but there is nothing they can do about it. New Moscow is becoming the most elegant center in Europe, and soon the whole world.
All over the world!!! - the stunned Vasyukins groaned.
Yes! And then the universe. The chess thought that turned the county town into the capital the globe, will turn into applied science and invent ways of interplanetary communication. Signals will fly from Vasyuki to Mars, Jupiter and Neptune. Communication with Venus will be as easy as moving from Rybinsk to Yaroslavl. And there, who knows, maybe in eight years Vasyuki will host the first interplanetary chess congress in the history of the universe!
Ostap wiped his noble forehead. He was hungry to such an extent that he would gladly eat a roasted chess horse.
Yes, - the one-eyed man squeezed out of himself, sweeping the dusty room with a crazy gaze. - But how to practically carry out the event, bring the base, so to speak?
Those present looked tensely at the grandmaster.
I repeat that in practice the matter depends only on your initiative. I repeat, I will take over the entire organization. No material costs, except for the costs of telegrams. One-eyed nudged his companions.
Well! he asked. - What do you say?
Let's arrange it! Let's arrange it! - the Vasyukins shouted.
How much money is needed for this ... telegram?
A ridiculous figure, - said Ostap, - one hundred rubles.
The cash register has only twenty-one rubles sixteen kopecks. This, of course, we understand, is far from enough ...
But the grandmaster turned out to be an agreeable organizer.
Okay, - he said, - give your twenty rubles.
Is that enough? the one-eyed one asked.
Enough for primary telegrams. And then donations will begin, and there will be nowhere to put the money.
Hiding the money in a green field jacket, the grandmaster reminded the audience of his lecture and a session of simultaneous play on 160 boards, kindly said goodbye until evening and went to the Kartonazhnik club to meet with Ippolit Matveyevich.
I'm starving, - said Vorobyaninov in a crackling voice.
He was already sitting at the cash register, but had not yet collected a single penny and could not even buy a pound of bread. Before him lay a wire green basket, intended for collection. In such baskets in houses middle hand put knives and forks.
Listen, Vorobyaninov, - shouted Ostap, stop an hour and a half cash transactions! Let's go to dinner at the narpit. On the way, I will outline the situation. By the way, you need to shave and clean yourself. You just look like a tramp. A grandmaster cannot have such suspicious acquaintances.
I haven’t sold a single ticket, ”Ippolit Matveyevich said.
No problem. By the evening they will run. The city has already donated twenty rubles to me to organize an international chess tournament.
So why do we need a simultaneous session? - the administrator whispered. - After all, they can beat. And with twenty rubles, we will immediately be able to net to the steamer - it was the "Karl Liebknecht" that came from above, calmly go to Stalingrad and wait there for the arrival of the theater. Maybe there will be able to open the chairs. Then we are rich and everything belongs to us.
You can't say such stupid things on an empty stomach. This negatively affects the brain. For twenty rubles, maybe we can get to Stalingrad ... And what money can we eat? Vitamins, dear comrade leader, are not given to anyone for free. But from the expansive Vasyukins it will be possible to rip off thirty rubles for a lecture and a session.
Beat! - said Vorobyaninov bitterly.
Of course, there is a risk. They can fill the tanks. However, I have one little thought that will protect you in any case. But more on that later. For now, we are going to taste some of the local dishes.
By six o'clock in the evening, well-fed, shaved and smelling of cologne, the grandmaster entered the cashier of the Kartonazhnik club.
Well-fed and shaved, Vorobyaninov briskly sold tickets.
Well, how? the grandmaster asked quietly.
Entrance - thirty and for the game - twenty, answered the administrator.
Sixteen rubles. Weak, weak!
What are you, Bender, look at the queue! They will inevitably be beaten.
Don't think about it. When they beat you, you will cry, but for now, do not linger! Learn to trade!
An hour later, there were thirty-five rubles at the box office. The audience was agitated in the hall.
Close the window! Give us money! - said Ostap. - Now here's what. Here's five rubles for you, go to the pier, rent a boat for two hours and wait for me on the shore, below the barn. We will take an evening walk with you. Don't worry about me. I'm in shape today.
The grandmaster entered the hall. He felt cheerful and knew firmly that the first move e2-e4 would not threaten him with any complications. The rest of the moves, it is true, were drawn in a complete fog, but this did not in the least bother the great combiner. He had a completely unexpected way out prepared to save even the most hopeless party.
The grandmaster was greeted with applause. The small club hall was hung with multicolored flags.
A week ago there was an evening of the Society of Rescue on Waters, as evidenced by the slogan on the wall:
THE BUSINESS OF HELP FOR THE DROWNING -
THE CASE OF THE HANDS OF THE DROWNERS
Ostap bowed, stretched out his hands, as if rejecting the applause he did not deserve, and went up to the stage.
Comrades! he said in a beautiful voice. - Comrades and brothers in chess, the subject of my lecture today is what I read about, and, I must confess, not without success, in Nizhny Novgorod a week ago. The subject of my lecture is a fruitful opening idea. What is a debut, comrades, and what is an idea, comrades? The debut, comrades, is “Quasi una fantasia”. And what does an idea mean, comrades? An idea, comrades, is a human thought clothed in a logical chess form. Even with negligible strength, you can master the entire board. It all depends on each individual individually. For example, that blond guy in the third row over there. Let's say he plays well ...
The blond in the third row blushed.
And that brunette over there, let's say, is worse. Everyone turned and looked at the brunette as well.
What do we see, comrades? We see that the blond plays well and the brunette plays poorly. And no lectures will change this balance of power, if each individual does not constantly train in checker ... that is, I wanted to say - in chess ... And now, comrades, I will tell you some instructive stories from the practice of our respected hypermodernists Capablanca, Lasker and Dr. Grigoriev.
Ostap told the audience several Old Testament anecdotes, gleaned in childhood from the Blue Journal, and with this he ended the interlude.
Everyone was slightly surprised by the brevity of the lecture. And the one-eyed one did not take his one eye off the grandmaster's shoes.
However, the beginning of the simultaneous game delayed the growing suspicion of the one-eyed chess player. Together with everyone, he set the tables in peace. In total, thirty amateurs sat down to play against the grandmaster. Many of them were completely confused and constantly looked into chess textbooks refreshing memory complex options, with the help of which they hoped to surrender to the grandmaster at least after the twenty-second move.
Ostap glanced over the ranks of the "blacks" that surrounded him on all sides, along the closed door, and fearlessly set to work. He approached the one-eyed one sitting at the first board and moved the king's pawn from e2 to e4.
The one-eyed man immediately grabbed his ears with his hands and began to think intensely. It whispered through the ranks of amateurs:
The grandmaster played e2-e4. Ostap did not indulge his opponents with a variety of openings. On the other twenty-nine boards, he performed the same operation: he dragged the king's pawn from e2 to e4. One by one, the amateurs clutched at their hair and plunged into feverish reasoning, the non-playing looked after the grandmaster. The only amateur photographer in the city had already perched on a chair and was about to set fire to magnesium, but Ostap angrily waved his hands and, interrupting his flow along the boards, shouted loudly:
Remove the photographer! It interferes with my chess thought!
“Why on earth would you leave your picture in this wretched town. I don't like dealing with the police, ”he decided to himself.
The indignant boos of amateurs forced the photographer to abandon his attempt. The indignation was so great that the photographer was even kicked out of the room. On the third move, it turned out that the grandmaster played eighteen Spanish parties... In the remaining twelve Black used the outdated, but fairly correct Philidor Defense. If Ostap found out that he plays such tricky games and faces such a tried and tested defense, he would be extremely surprised. The fact is that the great schemer played chess for the second time in his life.
At first the amateurs, the first among them the one-eyed one, were horrified. The grandmaster's cunning was beyond doubt.
With extraordinary ease and certainly sneering in his heart over the backward fans of the city of Vasyuki, the grandmaster sacrificed pawns, heavy and light pieces to the right and to the left. He even sacrificed a queen to the dark-haired man at the lecture. The brunette was horrified and was about to surrender immediately, but only with a terrible effort of will forced himself to continue the game.
Thunder from a clear sky rang out in five minutes.
Mat! - the terrified brunette babbled to death. - Checkmate for you, comrade grandmaster.
Ostap analyzed the situation, shamefully called the "queen" "queen" and pompously congratulated the brunette on the win. A rumble ran through the ranks of the amateurs.
“It's time to get away,” thought Ostap, calmly pacing among the tables and casually rearranging the figures.
You put your knight wrong, comrade grandmaster, - the one-eyed one climbed up. - The horse does not walk like that.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, - replied the grandmaster, - after the lecture I was somewhat tired.
Within the next ten minutes, the grandmaster lost ten more games.
Surprised shouts were heard in the premises of the "Cardboard" club. A conflict was brewing. Ostap lost fifteen games in a row, and soon three more. There was only one one-eyed left. At the beginning of the game, out of fear, he made many mistakes and now with difficulty led the game to a victorious end. Ostap, unnoticed by others, stole a black rook from the board and hid it in his pocket.
The crowd closed tightly around the players.
My boat has just stood in this place! - shouted one-eyed, looking around, - and now she's gone!
No, that means it never happened! ”Answered Ostap harshly. - How was it not? I remember clearly!
Of course not!
Where did she go? Did you win it?
Won.
When? Which move?
Why are you fooling me with your rook? If you give up, then say so!
Excuse me, comrades, I have all the moves written down!
The office is writing, ”said Ostap.
It's outrageous! - shouted one-eyed. - Give me my boat.
Give up, give up, what kind of cat and mouse are these!
Give up the rook!
With these words, the grandmaster, realizing that delay is like death, scooped up a handful of figures and threw them at the head of the one-eyed opponent.
Comrades! - the one-eyed squealed. - See everything! The lover is beaten! The chess players of the city of Vasyuki were taken aback. Without wasting precious time, Ostap threw the chessboard into the lamp and, striking someone's jaws and foreheads in the darkness, he ran out into the street. Vasyukin's amateurs, falling on each other, rushed after him.
It was a moonlit evening. Ostap rushed along the silver street lightly, like an angel, pushing off from the sinful earth. In view of the failed transformation of the Vasyukov into the center of the universe, they had to flee not among the palaces, but among the log houses with external shutters. Chess amateurs rushed from behind.
Keep the grandmaster! - roared the one-eyed.
Crooks! - supported by the rest.
Dudes! snapped the grandmaster, increasing his speed. - Help! - shouted the offended chess players. Ostap jumped up the stairs leading to the pier. He had four hundred steps to run. On the sixth site, two amateurs were already waiting for him, who made their way here by a roundabout path right along the slope. Ostap looked around. A small group of angry fans of Philidor's defense rolled in a pack of dogs from above. There was no retreat. Therefore, Ostap ran forward.
Here I am, you bastards! - he barked to the brave scouts, rushing from the fifth platform.
The frightened plastuns hooted, rolled over the railing and rolled off into the darkness of the hills and slopes. The path was clear.
Keep the grandmaster! - rolled from above. The pursuers fled, banging on the wooden stairs like falling bowling balls.
Running ashore, Ostap dodged to the right, looking with his eyes for a boat with a loyal administrator.
Ippolit Matveyevich sat idyllically in the boat. Ostap threw himself on the bench and furiously began to shovel from the shore. In a minute, stones were thrown into the boat. Ippolit Matveyevich was hit by one of them. A little above the volcanic pimple, he had a dark nodule. Ippolit Matveyevich buried his head in his shoulders and whimpered.
Here's another hat! My head was almost torn off, and I was nothing: cheerful and cheerful. And if you take into account another fifty rubles of net profit, then for one gull on your head - a pretty decent fee.
Meanwhile, the pursuers, who had only just now realized that the plan to transform Vasyukov into New Moscow had collapsed and that the grandmaster was taking fifty Vasyukin rubles out of the city, plunged into a large boat and screamed out into the middle of the river. The boat was packed with about thirty people. Everyone wanted to take a personal part in the reprisal against the grandmaster. The expedition was commanded by a one-eyed man. His only eye sparkled in the night like a lighthouse.
Keep the grandmaster! - shouted in the overloaded barge.
Go, Kisa! - said Ostap. - If they catch up with us, I cannot vouch for the integrity of your pince-nez.
Both boats went downstream. The distance between them was getting smaller. Ostap was exhausted.
You bastards won't leave! - shouted from the barge. Ostap did not answer: there was no time. The oars burst out of the water. Streams of water flew out from under the raging oars and fell into the boat.
Go ahead, ”Ostap whispered to himself. Ippolit Matveyevich toiled. The barca was triumphant. Its high hull was already bypassing the concessionaires' boat with its left hand in order to press the grandmaster to the shore. A deplorable fate awaited the concessionaires. The joy on the barge was so great that all the chess players went over to the starboard side, so that, having caught up with the boat, with excellent forces fell upon the villain-grandmaster.
Take care of your pince-nez, Kitty! - Ostap shouted in despair, throwing the oars. - It will start now!
Gentlemen! Ippolit Matveyevich suddenly exclaimed in a cock-like voice. - Are you really going to beat us?
And how! - thundered the Vasyukin amateurs, getting ready to jump into the boat.
But at this time, an incident that was extremely offensive for honest chess players from all over the world happened. The barge suddenly tilted and scooped up water to starboard.
Careful! the one-eyed captain squeaked. But it was too late. Too many amateurs have accumulated on the starboard side of the Vasyukinsky dreadnought. Changing the center of gravity, the barge did not hesitate and, in full accordance with the laws of physics, turned over.
A general shriek broke the tranquility of the river.
Wow! - the chess players moaned long. As many as thirty amateurs found themselves in the water. They swam quickly to the surface and one by one they clung to the overturned barge. The one-eyed one landed last.
Dudes! - shouted Ostap in delight. - Why don't you beat your grandmaster? If I’m not mistaken, you wanted to beat me?
Ostap described a circle around the wrecked.
You understand, Vasyukin individuals, that I could drown you one by one, but I give you life. Live, citizens! Just for the sake of the creator, don't play chess! You just don't know how to play! Oh, you dudes, dudes ... Let's go, Ippolit Matveyevich, further. Goodbye one-eyed lovers! I am afraid that Vasyuki will not become the center of the universe. I do not think that chess masters would come to such fools as you, even if I asked them to. Goodbye, lovers of strong chess sensations! Long live the Four Horses Club!
Quasi-Unofantasy. Well, everyone understands that. What is an idea, comrades? An idea is a human thought, clothed in a logical chess form. Even with negligible strength, you can master the entire board. It all depends on each individual individually. Some of you play well, others play poorly. And no amount of lectures will change this balance of power. If each of you, brothers, daily, hourly does not practice checkers! Play chess! Let's go further. Did you know that the Four Horses Club can completely transform the city of Vasyuki? I suggest: an international chess tournament should be organized in Vasyuki! The tournament will bring together chess fans from all over the world. Hundreds of thousands of rich foreigners will pour into Vasyuki! The state will have to urgently build a railway line and a Moscow-Vasyuki highway. Skyscraper hotels for guests, the Chess Palace, where the tournament will take place, a super-powerful radio station, Bolshoy Vasyuki airport, regular flights to all corners of the world, including Rio de Janeiro and Melbourne. Just imagine! Think about what will happen when the tournament is over and all the guests leave? Residents of Moscow, constrained by the housing crisis, will rush to your city. The capital automatically goes to Vasyuki. Vasyuki are renamed New Moscow, Moscow - Old Vasyuki! Chess thought will turn into applied science and will invent ways of interplanetary communication. Messages will be made as easy as moving from Rybinsk to Yaroslavl. The first ever interplanetary chess tournament will take place in Vasyuki! The first chess tournament between the teams of Vasyukov and the Big Dipper will end with a convincing victory for the Vasyukins. Hurray, comrades! The grandmaster played E-2-E-4 ... On the other boards Ostap performed the same operation: he dragged the king's pawn from E-2 to E-4. On the third move, it turned out that the grandmaster was playing 18 Spanish games. In the remaining 12 Black used the outdated, but true Felidor Defense. If Ostap found out that he was playing such tricky games, he would be extremely surprised. The fact is that I played chess for the second time in my life. I gave the elephant! Cunning! Rook framed, lures! He sacrificed a queen to me! What to do? Give up before it's too late. Checkmate ... checkmate to you, comrade grandmaster. Yes, mat. Congratulations, young man, you are making progress! - Just now there was a rook, and now it is no longer there? - So it wasn't. - Where did it go, did you win it? - I won. - Which move? - On the 15th. Why are you fooling me? Give up - say so. - I have all the moves written down. - The office is writing. - It's outrageous. Give me my boat! Comrades! See all! The lover is beaten! - Keep the grandmaster! - Dudes! Keep the grandmaster, keep ... - Move, Kisa! - My bag! Come on, come on! Take care of your pince-nez, Kitty, it's about to start! - Gentlemen, are you really going to beat us? - And how! Dudes! Why don't you beat your grandmaster? If I’m not mistaken, you wanted to beat me? Goodbye, fans of strong chess sensations, Long live the Four Horses Club! Hurray, comrades! Good morning leader! Oh, it seems, Cheboksary. Here we will sell our trophies, then we will have enough money to get to Pyatigorsk. There we will wait for the theater. Look, our chair is floating! Great, buddy, haven't seen each other in a while! You know, this chair reminds me of our life. We also go with the flow. We are drowned, we swim out, although no one is pleased with this. Nobody likes us, except for the criminal investigation department, which also doesn't like us. We are strangers at this celebration of life. What? My dear and priceless Katya. We are getting closer to happiness every hour. Soon we will have a lot of money. Let's sit down in an amicable way, in Samara, near our factory, and we'll drink some liqueur. By its geographical location and population, the city of Baku significantly exceeds the city of Rostov. However, it is inferior to the city of Kharkov. They say that kerosene is mined here. And engineer Bruns moved to the city of Batumi. The way from here is 15 rubles. Came out 20. By Telegraph. Yours forever. Husband Fedya. Top ten for the whole thing, huh? Dusya, you me
Planted for deception with a banner, Ostap Bender and Ippolit Matveyevich ended up in the small town of Vasyuki. They had no money. To continue the hunt for the chairs left on the ship, it was necessary to get at least thirty rubles.
Bender came up with a brilliant scam.
He sent Vorobyaninov to put up posters about a lecture on chess thought and a paid session of the simultaneous game, and he himself went to the Vasyukin chess club. There he introduced himself as a grandmaster (although he played chess only once).
The enthusiastic Vasyukites surrounded him. They saw a live grandmaster for the first time. Bender, capturing their attention, told them how the development of chess could turn Vasyuki into a prosperous city, then into the capital of the USSR, Europe, the whole world, and maybe the entire solar system (read his speech, very interesting - Chapter 34 - Interplanetary Chess Congress) ... Bender suggested starting with the organization of an international chess tournament.
... Vasyukins will not pay money. They will receive them! It's all extremely simple. After all, chess amateurs from all over the world will come to the tournament with the participation of such greatest veltemasters. Hundreds of thousands of people, wealthy people, will strive for Vasyuki ...
... “Don't worry,” said Ostap, “my project will guarantee your city an unprecedented flourishing of productive forces. Think about what will happen when the tournament is over and when all the guests leave. Residents of Moscow, constrained by the housing crisis, will rush to your magnificent city. The capital automatically goes to Vasyuki ...
He took over the organization of the tournament and the simple-minded Vasyukins gave him all the funds of the chess section - 20 rubles. The sale of tickets for the lecture and the session gave another 35 rubles.
Bender sent Vorobyaninov to prepare the way to escape (he had to hire a boat), gave a lecture, consisting of old anecdotes about chess players, and started playing. Since he did not know how to play, he naturally lost all games except one, made a scandal and fled the club.
The enraged chess players almost caught up with the scammers, but at the last moment their bar turned over and our heroes were able to swim away.
The only eye of the Vasyukin chess player opened up to the limits allowed by nature.
Ostap suffered.
Lasker got to the point of vulgar things, it became impossible to play with him. He smokes his opponents with cigars. And he smokes cheap ones on purpose, so that the smoke is nasty. The chess world is in turmoil.
Ostap has not eaten anything since yesterday. Therefore, his eloquence was extraordinary.
And there, who knows, maybe in eight years Vasyuki will host the first interplanetary chess congress in the history of the universe!
He felt cheerful and knew firmly that the first move e2-e4 would not threaten him with any complications. The rest of the moves, however, were drawn in a perfect fog.
The grandmaster played e2-e4
It's time to get away, Ostap thought.
- Excuse me, comrades, I have all the moves written down!
- The office is writing, - said Ostap
- Gentlemen! Ippolit Matveyevich suddenly exclaimed in a cock-like voice. - Are you really going to beat us?
Take care of your pince-nez, Kitty!
Long live the Four Horses Club!
Perhaps every chess lover remembers an unforgettable moment from Ilf and Petrov's masterpiece "Twelve Chairs" - a chess tournament in the town of Novye Vasyuki (New Vasyuki). The simultaneous game session was held in the Four Horses club (renamed from Shakhklub at the suggestion of Ostap). Let's recall together the aphorisms of Ostap Bender, which were captured for quotations (Chapter 37 "International Chess Congress").
Video with Andrei Mironov (comedy film "Twelve Chairs" 1976, directed by Mark Zakharov).
“The Vasyukin chess players listened to Ostap with filial love. Ostap was carrying. He felt a surge of new strength and chess ideas. "
"- Chess! - said Ostap. - Do you know what chess is? They move forward not only culture, but also the economy! Do you know that four horses chess club with the right formulation of the case, will it be able to completely transform the city of Vasyuki? "
“The arrival of Jose-Raul Capablanca, Nimzowicz, Reti, Rubinstein, Maroczy, Tarrasch, Vidmar and Dr. Grigoriev is guaranteed. In addition, my participation is guaranteed! "
“Dazzling prospects unfolded in front of the Vasyukin amateurs. The limits of the room expanded. The rotten walls of the horse breeding nest collapsed, and instead of them the glass thirty-three-story palace of chess thought went into the blue sky. In each of his halls, in each room and even in the elevators sweeping by the bullet, thoughtful people were sitting and playing chess on boards inlaid with malachite. The marble staircases really fell into the blue Volga. There were ocean steamers on the river. Muggy foreigners, chess ladies, Australian fans of the Indian defense, Indians in white turbans - adherents of the Spanish party, Germans, French, New Zealanders, residents of the Amazon River basin and, envying the Vasyukinites - Muscovites, Leningraders, Kievites and Odessa citizens, Sibirians, climbed the funiculars into the city ... Cars moved by conveyor among the marble hotels. But then - everything stopped. World champion Jose-Raul Capablanca y Graupera emerged from the fashionable "Passed Pawn" hotel. Ladies surrounded him. The policeman, dressed in a special chess uniform (breeches in a cage and elephants on collar tabs), politely saluted. The one-eyed chairman of the Vasyukin club of four horses approached the champion with dignity. The conversation between the two luminaries, conducted in English, was interrupted by the arrival of Dr. Grigoriev and future world champion Alekhine. The welcome clicks shook the city. winced. With a wave of the one-eyed man's hand, a marble staircase was brought up to the airplane. Doctor Grigoriev ran down it, waving his new hat in greeting and commenting on Capablanca's possible mistake in the upcoming match with Alekhine.
Suddenly a black dot was seen on the horizon. She quickly approached and grew, turning into a large emerald parachute. Like a large radish, a man with a suitcase hung on a parachute ring.
- It's him! - shouted the one-eyed. - Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! I recognize the great chess philosopher, old Lasker. He is the only one in the world who wears such green socks. "
"- Yes! And then the universe. The chess thought that turned the county town into the capital of the globe will turn into applied science and invent ways of interplanetary communication. Signals will fly from Vasyuki to Mars, Jupiter and Neptune. Communication with Venus will be as easy as moving from Rybinsk to Yaroslavl. And there, who knows, maybe in eight years the first interplanetary chess tournament in the history of the universe will take place in Vasyuki!
Ostap wiped his noble forehead. He was hungry to such an extent that he would gladly eat a roasted chess horse. "
“Ostap glanced over the ranks of the 'blacks' that surrounded him from all sides, over the closed door, and fearlessly set to work. He went up to the one-eyed, who was sitting at the first board, and moved the king's pawn from e2 to e4. "
"- The grandmaster played e2 - e4."
“On the third move, it turned out that the grandmaster was playing eighteen Spanish games. In the remaining twelve, Black has applied, although outdated, but quite correct. If Ostap found out that he plays such tricky games and faces such a tried and tested defense, he would be extremely surprised. The fact is that the great schemer played chess for the second time in his life. "
“- Just now my boat was on this place! - shouted one-eyed, looking around. "And now she's gone."
“- Excuse me, comrade, I have all the moves written down.
- The office writes! - said Ostap. "
“- Keep the grandmaster! - roared one-eyed. "
“- Dudes! - shouted Ostap in delight. - Why don't you beat your grandmaster? If I am not mistaken, you wanted to beat me? "
“You understand, Vasyukin individuals, that I could drown you one by one, but I give you life. Live, citizens! Just for the sake of the creator, don't play chess! You just don't know how to play! Oh, you dudes, dudes! .. Let's go, Ippolit Matveyevich, go on! Goodbye one-eyed lovers! I am afraid that Vasyuki will not become the center of the universe! I do not think that chess masters would come to such fools as you, even if I asked them to! Goodbye, lovers of strong chess sensations! Long live the four horses club! "
An excerpt from the film "Twelve Chairs" in 1971 (directed by Leonid Gaidai). Archil Gomiashvili plays Ostap.
Question to readers: Whose performance, Mironova or Gomiashvili, did you like Ostap more? Who played the "chess player" more convincingly?